DB'ing while living in with a WAS/MLC husband

[BlueSea]

May, thank you for your post, I came back today after taking a board break for the weekend. And I did just this today,"Order your favorite meat-filled take out and enjoy it with your kids"- it was great! Appreciate your thoughts and support. I spent Saturday with a friend, and it was lovely.


Spiral - appreciate the pragmatism, I am checking out all financial areas and tracking things and trying to see where the money is going and how its being used. thank you.

This limbo will beat you to your knees and leave you there permanently if you let it.

LH - Truer words have never been spoken. I know I need to do this. I know it.

Otherwise the cheating spouse will take the affair deeper undercover.

Steve - I think this is going to be very prophetic for me as you read this post to the end.

My friend that I met with on Saturday is divorced and really stepped thru the D process - for me to understand what was on the other side, and not fear it so much. Without reading any of the philosophies here she was pretty on target with the same advice. I did get re-assurances that asking him to leave at the end of the month was a good target. And we could determine then that a 'check-in' in a month or monthly, would be a plan. She is getting married, and is truly happy, I could see that - she so deserves that. There is happiness post D. (I still wince about going thru it).

SITUATION:
-I am not going to share the details but there was alot of emotions from him this past weekend. He was very open and explained alot to me - shared more than he has ever had - and let me know that I was welcome to come to him anytime. It was helpful for me. He was being human, bordering kind.
-Lot of emotions from him this past weekend. Tearful hug with sorry & emotional talks & emails from him.
-Doesn't matter... he still stepped out on both Sat and Sun night - its too much for me. Its like trying to recover from a burn, but he is keeping me in a hot pan, I keep moving/turning over, but I will never be able to heal.
-Monday, met up with my counselor and stepped out a plan for me to ask him to leave.
-Since that IC meeting was late, I was hustling the kids out the house to get dinner. H called me back in to let me know he was going to do the right thing, give him a week or two and he would end the affair. I told him those were great words, but I needed to see action behind it.
- He told me that even with her gone, we were still not good. But he would be alone, like me, going thru this. (I had given him grief on Sunday that he was going thru this with his lover while I was alone and dealing with the 2 kids)
-I have little hope that he will break it off with her, he considers her a life raft. And without her he worries that he would just jump into mine out of need, not want. And he does not want to be back in this state in 2-3 years.
- WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heck no, I do not want to do this again in a couple years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....This is what I wanted, right? him back, no OW. (Lets assume he is even able to drop her) ... for whatever reason now I am full of fear and anxiety about that path and I have no idea why!!!

Still have the 'ask to leave' request on the deck but now thinking will give him the 2 weeks and see if he can drop her - that would clearly mean something - if it can be backed up with no more night runs.