Hi friends! Thought it was time for an update, it’s been a bit since I posted. I still checked in to read how everyone was doing but I wasn’t ready to post for myself yet.
Since the last time I’ve been on here I’ve had a bit of a mind shift. I’ve worked through my fear of divorce and the grief of the marriage, I would probably say I was in a stage of anger but I’m not really angry at him about the marriage just angry at how selfish he has been through all this, I’ve had my eyes opened to how much more I’m worth than what he was bringing to the table. My therapist (who was our therapist) asked me that she had wondered why I was fighting so hard for the marriage.
I’m moving into an apartment and I’m excited about it, I’m ready to be out of this house we shared. He still comes and goes to get something he needs from the garage or to get something from the barn, only once has he been back inside and it was when I wasn’t here. I came home and found him inside and he took off pretty quickly after that (busted!) When he is here (outside) I can’t wait for him to leave so I’m looking forward to the apartment which he will not be allowed in and it’s an EX free zone. I’m not taking the furniture and I have a new decor style, nothing in the apartment will represent the home I had before with him. I’m looking forward to that.
I found out about the new girlfriend, not sure how new she is from the info I was given. I don’t “think” it was why he left (when we were supposed to be separated to take a break and work with the therapist to work through issues) I think he decided he was single instead which explains why he didn’t do any of the individual work with the therapist and has just quit going at this point (therapist does individual and couple, we started as couple with work on individual)
I actually feel kind of bad for new girlfriend, for multiple reasons. One, she must not to be too bright to hook up with a man who is still married and has been for almost 20 years, that would be a huge red flag to me. Second, everyone in his life thinks he is making a mistake, friends, family, etc. So I guess he probably doesn’t get to take her around and show her off. Plus, good luck to her. All the things that I was blind to have now been illuminated and his issues are still his issues so I’m sure it will turn out just fine for her lol!!!
He is so selfish, he hasn’t spent any time with the kiddos these last couple of months and there is no excuse for that. I could be the most terrible wife there ever was and it doesn’t excuse him not being around for the kids. My heart hurts for them but all I can do is be there for them instead.
So, friends, I’m not divorce busting anymore. I don’t WANT the marriage back, with the amount of work he would have to do on himself to get right and then to heal the pain he has caused this year (boy 2020 has been a rough year) I just don’t think he has it in him to climb out of that hole. I don’t look at him with love anymore, I just think he is disgusting and a low life. I want to cut the cord and be done with him.
But I will say this, I hope I’m not discouraging to anyone here that is still fighting for their marriage, Divorce Busting has been such a help. It helped me reclaim my self worth and self power and get out of the vortex of his BS to see the reality of the situation. Rose colored glasses off, if you will. I love the message behind DB because it’s really about saving yourself. And for me, he doesn’t deserve me. Maybe one day he will realize it, maybe he won’t, but what is important is that I realize it.
And I’m okay. I’m okay moving forward with D and moving out and even okay about the girlfriend, it makes me laugh because it’s such a hot mess. Sounds like he has it ALLLL figured out. Good thing he quit therapy, I’m sure he didn’t need it anyhow! Lol!
Funny how he pulled the plug on things but in the long run I’m getting the better deal from it because I’m free of his nonsense!
