Gosh, what wisdom, thank you all so much. Some of the thoughts that really impacted me this morning:

Originally Posted by AlisonUK

I read relationship books like crazy, and while I did learn some useful things (most useful were articles about boundaries, about manipulation, control and abuse, and about the pursuit-distance dynamic) I actually wish I'd put all that to one side and sought out books and films and music to comfort and soothe and entertain me.


Alison, absolutely everything you said resonated with me and gives me strength and clarity. I am beginning to understand the depth of the abusive behavior I have accepted from him. Although there are some differences between our situations and H's, there are so many similarities that I find your advice very comforting. Thank you.

This gem about getting of the R books, and onto that which satisfies and feeds my soul was perfect advice and exactly what I needed to hear. I want to use my time so much more constructively moving forward.

Originally Posted by LH19
In my situation I wished I would have said “you want a divorce? Do you need help packaging your bags? Then when out and started my new awesome life.


LH, you could have said this to me a few weeks ago and I would have dismissed you as being too harsh. But I am there now, I get it. And I too wished I had said it earlier.

Originally Posted by wooba
Who is Sage? Who are you when uncoupled with H? Take time to figure that out.


Yes, Wooba, yes! I loved all of your advice, but this is my biggest next step. Thank you for the refocus.

Originally Posted by may22
You've got this, Sage. You're so strong.


May, everything you said was relevant to me and my stitch and I appreciate you sharing what happened in your sitch. It really is astounding how similar all of our stories are in terms of the things that we are told or the way that our H's have acted.

Well, H asked for a response to his letter and I told him that I respected his need for self-discovery for those 6 months, but that having three parties in our M was a deal breaker for me. Silence.

We agreed that we would let the other party know before engaging with a lawyer and/or making any other big changes. We have both been good about this. So my next step is to let him know that I will be engaging with a L this week.