Boy do I undertand your pain. My situation is different, I am not married. I am engaged. I am 32, we have no children. But the pain and rejection you are feeling I understand. My Fiancee was my lover 12 years ago and after we broke up he spent over a decade trying to woo me back from 3000 miles away. A year ago, he finally won me over again and now I feel he is not attracted to me. He never touches me. Our sex life before was electric, now it is practically non-existenet. I have not changed that much physically in 12 years and I am very confused about his rejection. He tells me ILY every day. He buys me gifts. He brags about me to his friends and family but when it comes to LM - I'm out in the cold. I have been talking to him about it ever since we got back together and have heard every excuse you can think. yesterday morning, he woke up with an erection and we were cuddling. When I tried to touch him he practically pushed me off of him. This led to tears and I told him I feel like everytime I touch him I'm raping him. He got angry and went downstairs. A couple of hours later he said he would fix things, that he loves me. Last night when we were in bed, he told me takle my clothes off and started rubbing me but when I tried to kiss him he turned his cheek and pretended to fall asleep. This prompted more tears and I explained in a very sincere and loving way how I feel - like I am a starving person living at 5 star restaurant and all I can do is smell and look but not eat. I asked him what he was willing to do and he said he would make it a priorty. This morning, he started touching me, teasing me and as soon as I started to respond, he jumped out of bed and began to do his crossword puzzle. I told him the SSM book last night and had printed the first chapter for him. When I came down this morning, it was put off to the side with my things. I asked him if he read it and he said "Oh that's for you". I feel insane and hurt and angry. Everyother part of our lives is pretty good. I feel like he is manipulating me and torturing me on purpose. I feel for you and didn't know that people could be in so much pain and lonliness in a love relationship until I became involved in this one. I know I am attractive but he has made me feel like I am damaged in some way.
