I've always felt things happen for a reason. I tend to agree with Wooba on this.. yes, of course many of us wish we had set out our boundaries earlier, been quicker to detach, etc.... but ultimately it is up to you. What you're ready for now, or later, once you can fully process everything that is going on and make a good decision with your own needs as the focus.
I don't think I could have detached from my H any earlier or asked him to leave any earlier than I did. I needed to have the information I had at that time and have made the journey to be at a place where I could finally say I was really to walk. So I guess my advice to you would be to honor your own feelings and listen to yourself.
I one thousand percent agree that you need to be putting the focus much, much more on yourself and what you need, and do your very best to stop giving a $hit about what your H may want or need. He's being incredibly selfish and sad right now and the best thing you can do is leave him to it and focus on your own journey. So he thinks he needs six months to do "deep work" with his IC (I hope you are rolling your eyes as far as I am right now)... BS. He is scared to lose you but also in the midst of a sad MLC and A fog where he's thinking he maybe found something special with this OW. He doesn't know what to do and is desperately trying to hang onto both.
My H finally, in the last weeks of limbo with a discernment counselor, finally admitted he wanted both. Both me as his co-parent and best friend, and AP as his romantic partner. He didn't want to have to choose. It blew my mind that he could admit to this, but he was being honest at least. It may be that your H is in a similar place, scared to lose "true love" with her but scared to lose all he has with you too. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way and he'll need to make a decision... but it unfortunately that decision isn't up to you. Your H will need to pull his own head out of his a$$, or not. Some do, some don't. (well, from the boards it sounds like most do, just that the timeline may be long enough that the LBS is long gone by time time the WS realizes what an idiot they are.) And, all you can control is you. So you either wait around for him to decide what he wants-- while enabling his cake-eating-- or you don't. Or you set a time limit for yourself for the continued limbo and then stick to it.
You've got this, Sage. You're so strong.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
