on the days when I feel absolutely exhausted and beaten down from being the sole carrier of parental responsibilities - I try reallllllllly hard to be extra aware of all my negative feelings.
We had a busy weekend and all three kids had something going on in different places which required some traveling, it was an ordeal trying to figure out how to shuffle the kids around by myself. I had thought about not asking H for help in the beginning, then I thought I'd ask him anyway - give him an opportunity to spend time with the kids and it would be the best case scenario for me if he could help. But ultimately he declined so I had to enlist help from my parents. Thank god for family who will back you up.
And last night I bumped heads with S11. Gosh I foresee a lot of these to come as they turn into teens. S was crying, yelling, and losing it. and you know what? I'm so glad that I have an overly abundance of patience and endurance and the ability to step out of a hostile situation and calm myself down before I say things I'd regret.
I also recognized that there was a bit of resentment for H that was peeking out because I was thinking "why do I have to deal with this all by myself???!!!" But that's not the direction I want to go. I am fully aware that I can only count on myself to be the capable parent and no one else. I don't want to blame H for his absence.
but it was still exhausting. ugh. little people with big emotions. and I've got three of them.
In the end S11 and I were able to hug it out. I told him that it's easy to be angry, it's easy to hurt people, it's easy to destroy. It's easy to run away. It's easy to shut down. But it's hard to do the right thing. It is hard to check yourself when you're angry. It's hard to stay and work through your emotions. I shared with him a quote I read recently - I forgot the exact quote but it goes something like this: "The easy way is usually the wrong way. The right way is usually the more difficult one. knowing that, why would you waste a second of your breath going down the wrong way?"
oh yes, I guess I am on the difficult path because parenting is so challenging!!
