I wish I didn’t spend so much time still trying to “fix” him after BD. I read and researched like crazy about depression, alcoholism, psychology of survivors of child abuse....etc. I even made doctor’s appointments for him (which he did not go). Although I did learn a lot through my reading, my focus was wrongly placed on thinking that there was something I could do to help him. No, there is nothing. It’s really his journey and I can’t travel it for him.
Others like detachment and boundaries...sure I could’ve done things better/differently, but I think you have to go through the mistakes and possibly even more heartache yourself to come through a better person. You wouldn’t know what doesn’t work and what does unless you make that journey.
So your H asked for 6 months. You don’t have to agree or not agree right now. Are you ready to D? If not, give yourself more time. You may be ready in less than 6 months, or maybe more, who knows? I understand LH’s concern about the affair fizzling out and then your H comes back to you because of it. And it is legitimate. But at the same time I would put the focus more on yourself than what might happen with him. 6 months is a long time, this world was entirely different 6 months ago. Don’t even think about the 6 months. This is your life, you’re in it for the long haul. You should be thinking and doing things based on your own timeline. Do not let H dictate that.
Who is Sage? Who are you when uncoupled with H? Take time to figure that out.
