CWarrior: I also feel sorry for H, he is deeply broken and will stay broken till he is prepared to go through the pain of looking at himself and his pain. I feel sad for him. But I will be long gone by the time he does the work, and I don't believe he will do the work as he has run away and drunk and worked for nearly 2 years instead of looking inwards and getting help. I'm pretty sure he has borderline personality disorder, it fits with his behaviour over our M and also with his abandonment history. I don't believe in diagnosing people willy nilly, but I have witnessed his behaviour over 30 years and it is consistent with BPD or at least disorganised attachment at minimum. Both are not untreatable but I think the chances of improving without professional help are extremely low. I've done a lot of learning in this area to understand H and I've concluded it's fairly hopeless.
Alison: I agree that his reactions might be very strong and extreme. My friends also think he will be hard to divorce despite him being the one who left. I am being very cautious and have considered a forensic accountant. My saving grace is that he works in finance so misleading the system on his assets is fraud and not something he could do lightly if he wants to work again (which he will have to). But that's assuming he is thinking straight which he is not. I have told my lawyer about my concerns and that his finances are complicated and he will have to be giving all his information in full. I trust my lawyer and he seems experienced so I'm sure he will do a good job. I will discuss it this week with him.
H turned up unexpectedly this morning after no contact all week. I would have arranged to be out if I'd known. He suggested a walk and we went for one of our usual walks, nothing discussed of any moment. His only discussions of the future are his travels in the summer and taking the boys away for a week somewhere in France. I said that was fine and would be planning my own travels (with my hot new boyfriend was the bit I left out :)) No discussion of his job stuff so it's still dragging on. No mention of moving house, seriously beyond a joke. He said he bought some furniture for our other house so I assume he's staying there for the forseeable future though he will be away in the summer anyway. No mention of anything else. Then he spent some time with the kids and left. I was outside putting something in the bin and then a neighbour went past and chatted to me. H after about 5 minutes drove past in the hire van and he saw that I saw him. Funny. Bet he doesn't say anything about it. I was so relieved when he left.
Another date this afternoon, yesterday's was a bit disastrous as he really wanted sex but I told him I had to fancy him and in person I didn't. He was nice enough about it though. Hopefully this afternoon will be better! I'm chatting to another few men who seem ok, we shall see. I am trying to just enjoy it and shrug off the weirdos. There are a lot of them lol
