Trying to be hopeful...

[Pommy99]

Sage, I’ve just gone back and re-read your very first post. I see so many similarities in my sitch. Your H is confused...the fact you had some signs of reconciliation in the last month are testament to this. So, no, I don’t believe you have gone past the point of no return, not by a long shot. He spooked himself and that’s why he’s doubled down on retracting.

I had 12 months of limbo and it truly s#cks. I really feel your pain. In hindsight I wish I had taken more control of me and said enough was enough. My H was cake-eating for far too long. However, I always felt that I could never be the one to pull the trigger, for the sake of the children. Looking back, I was an extremely disengaged parent , and they suffered. Every week he travelled away and there were some weeks where I could barely function and D15 would end up cooking dinner for D13 (and I’d just skip meals). If nesting isn’t working for you then change it. You need to live in a way that allows you to function in your best capacity as a mother and for yourself. And just as him leaving serves to meet his needs, then you putting an end to nesting serves to meet your needs. Don’t feel guilty or let him tell you are wrong. He is walking away, not you. Do what enables you to function - make that choice for yourself . You also mention in an earlier post that your kids are confused by the limbo and nesting and wish you would sort it out. Listen to their words. It’s not working for you, or for the kids. At best it might appease H’s guilt, but sooner or later he will need to face the enormity of his choices.

And you may be right that in 2 years he is blissfully happy with you, but right now, he doesn’t visualise that. For whatever reason, life is wrong and he needs to escape from what he thinks is wrong. If you are needy and clingy it solidifies the negative feelings he has towards you. Whereas the happy, strong and vivacious Sage is actually very alluring!

Keep the faith....this is like 1 mile into the marathon!!