The advice is greatly appreciated! There was definitely crying in March when I broke NC and she responded to me with stone and ice. There just hasn't been much crying in May, even after she got engaged and filed for divorce. Right now, I am exercising like a mad man, working, and taking care of the house and the kids. It keeps me very busy and that helps with things.
The nights with the kids are great. People always talk about losing half of your time with the kids, but that's another one of those things that's all in your head. Even now, the kids are getting more love and attention from me and it is because they are gone 50% of the time. I take care of everything when they're gone and focus on them when they are here. So, we're both getting a richer and deeper relationship with one another as a result of this mess.
The nights without the kids are tougher, but a full on workout is good for two or three hours of positive mental attitude. Intense cleaning is good for a few more. And the background music definitely helps.
I am making solid progress on most fronts, but detachment is tough. If my WW would leave me alone, detachment would be going better. But she doesn't and always wants to have sweet little interactions when she stops by. I suspect that she wants to keep me very much attached. And boy does she say ridiculous things. If you overheard the one liners she regularly delivers and saw how often she reaches out to hug me, you'd think that she was the LBS and that I'd walked away. I just don't bother posting about what she says cause the vets warned me that they mean absolutely nothing. And the vets are right. Every night, she goes home to OM's house and that's the only sign that matters. It is not a good one and I do not ignore it.
There's little else to report. I am still drawing closer to the big D every day, but it doesn't matter and I don't expect anything different. I am not afraid of any legal proceedings surrounding the big D and I will embrace the big D when it comes. We're all afraid of something and our fears drive our decisions. But I am afraid that she's having an intimate relationship with OM and that she's fallen in love with OM. I am not afraid of anything else. And my fears have come true and I am facing them. It is plenty difficult to deal with and it hurts, but it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. It will take plenty of time to overcome, but everything is getting better day by day. All I need to do is wait for the pain to go away and I am a patient man.
I also understand the significance of momentum, particularly when dealing with a cheating spouse. Today, our sitchs are likely to stay exactly the same. It is not in the cheater's nature to put in the hard work needed to salvage a relationship or to cast aside a romantic relationship. Cheaters have a history of lying, of doing things behind people's backs, and of trying to have their cake and eat it too. Expecting them to operate differently, to take the courageous action of coming home to rebuild a relationship they destroyed, and to give up the other person is pointless. They chose not to do any of those things before they started cheating. So, why would we expect them to do that now and to come home?
