Thank you DnJ. I am proud of how far I've come in a year.
Today is one year since BD.
What a weird, intense, glorious, heartbreaking year it has been. When I think back to how I felt this time last year - the constant unease and anxiety making me physically sick, starting to feel like something was really off with X, then watching my life fall apart in an instant - I'm so grateful to be here today. Content and free and secure in my knowledge of the truth.
I will never give away my power again.
I've been feeling a bit bummed lately, so last night I decided to list some things I've achieved in the past twelve months.
- Lost husband - Paid and filed for divorce by myself - Paid and finalised legal separation by myself - Kept 100% custody of S2 - Bought X out of the family home we designed and built together - Removed myself from X's truck loan - Created and managed my own household budget - Paying mortgage and bills on my own - Applied for and now receiving government assistance - Applied for and now receiving child support - Received a promotion at work - Transitioned to permanent remote work - Put $7k in savings - Refurnished and redecorated my home - Took the remainder of X's things to the dump - Toilet trained S2 - Moved S2 into a big bed - Taught S2 to swim - First holiday on plane with S2 - First camping trip with S2 - Had several first dates
Meanwhile X: - Lost wife - Rented a house - Moved in with OW - Gave up custody of S2 - Received settlement funds from me - Solely responsible for his truck loan (a debt worth half the settlement funds) - Committed insurance fraud - Bought a brand new motorbike - Bought a brand new jetski - Ruined his reputation at work - Lost all our mutual friends - Family knows he had an affair - Visited son covered in hickies - Called me a bitch and a whore in front of son - Bailed on S2 on his birthday, Xmas Eve, NYE - Refused to help me when S2 was sick - Continues to deny the affair
On balance, I think I'm the winner.
One thing is for certain - I am a hundred times the mother I would have been had X not abandoned us. The bond between me and S2 is indescribable. He is the light of my life and my pride and joy. Towards the end of the marriage there was a morning where X was openly resentful of S2 because he was stopping X from sleeping in. S2 would have been about a year old at the time. To my shame now, I tried to appease X by telling him that was me and him united against S2. I was so depressed and anxious from X's lack of support, I was starting to resent my own son as well. X thought that was really funny and coined it 'UAS' (United Against Son'). Ugh, that was awful.
I think I had to learn this very hard lesson in order to value the incredible gift of parenthood. And for that, I would go through it over and over again.
