Trust is a huge issue here. I trust him to be a good Dad. I don't trust much else at the moment.
On one hand, nesting is in the best interest of the children. But it is not in my best interest. And in many ways I have been a mother who has recognized that what's in my best interest is best for the kids. If I can be whole and healthy with him out of the picture, that is better than being a shell of myself and have him coming and going, instigating R talks when it works for him (I have been attempting to avoid them, but they pop up). He is cake eating and doesn't have to make a decision about what he wants if we are nesting.
I have been the dumping ground for all of H's anger and resentment in our M, as well as the whipping post for all his guilt and shame. I am a strong person, but he has managed to wear me down to a sliver of who I once was. I am gaining myself back slowly and have done a good job of it when we are NC, but it's like the sight of me brings out this other person in him. This other person unnerves me, I have never not had an open, loving, communicative R with this man. I just want to hug him and for him to tell me it was all a big mistake, he is sorry and we are going to work on things.
I just don't see that happening if he is able to continue to nest and I don't set a boundary around protecting myself and what works best for me. I am scared to death of committing to something like nesting for the next 6 months only to find out next week that it was a huge mistake and I can no longer suffer through it any longer.
