Unsure where I stand

[ovrrnbw]

Since I do want her to come back, that is the pretending part. Unless I am missing that point as well.

Well it's not pretending so much as keeping it to yourself. Her actions show you what she wants and you know it, so what's the point to keep telling her you want her back? It would only make you look desperate and pathetic and that is not the sort of thing that will attract her back to you.

You should be losing weight and getting in great shape and going out with friends and carrying this big smile everywhere you go. Before I met my W this is how I acted. I smiled and made eye contact with woman, didn't stare, but I'd talk to all of them who wanted to talk.

I think I have a way to go in that area then. How can I not feel hurt if something like that happened?

I think Steve is making a point more than anything, but really at this point, with her out of the house, it shouldn't affect you anymore. She isn't yours, you aren't hers, and y'all aren't together. Ultimately whatever story you tell yourself about something is how you feel.

You say to yourself "W is seeing someone else, this is bad" and then you feel bad. Or you say "she is seeing someone, this has nothing to do with me anymore" and you remain indifferent bc at this point it is an indifferent thing and it being morally good or morally bad has literally nothing to do with how you act.

I was really shocked because just the night before we spent about 3 hours talking

Well you put those expectations on this situation and you were upset when you didn't get what you wanted. But really you could have been indifferent to this and you'd feel a lot better. I think it is good though that you are trying to listen and validate. Great job there man.

I guess I am doing okay so far. I miss her a lot still. I want her to come home still. I know life will go on and I will be okay if she doesn't, it is just not what I hope happens.

Good. Life will go on. There are so many positives. You know have the house to yourself, you can make steak every night, you can watch whatever show, you can do everything your way. Your mind wants what it can't have that's our instinctual monkey brain at work.

I would arrange a GAL/self growth plan. Reading, activities, fun, social, work, family, etc.