Affair Fog-LRT 4

[SteveLW]

kt, good update. I do think that a requirement for R of quitting the bar is a good one. You keep worrying about resentment, but look at it from this perspective: what causes more resentment, making quitting the bar a condition of R, or sleeping with other people?

It kind of reminds me of when a WAS accuses the LBS of invading their privacy by snooping, when the snooping results in finding an indiscretion. The last time this happened, I bluntly told me W, "snooping is in no way worse than there being something for me to find!" She couldn't refute that.

So decide what you need to move forward. Do not worry about resentment. She is not an innocent W that is the victim of things to be resentful for. All of your conditions for R are the consequences of what they have done.

I do want to challenge you on this:

"I'm struggling with it all. I'm trying to give her another chance but I have nothing left in me to find out anything else. She needs to prove herself, her honesty, her faithfulness, her love to me, everyday. I need to continue MC and IC to process my emotions and work on my faults. I didn't do anything to deserve this but I'm trying to use this to make a better me."

This is not a healthy place to be. You are essentially saying that there are no more mistakes she can make. I really need you to go back and read Gordie's post that I quoted earlier. Expecting perfection is a fool's game. There will be ups and there will be downs. Ring is NOT easy. At all. In my W's and my MC sessions there were a lot of issues that came up that I didn't know and had to deal with. I like your "take it one day at a time" approach, but I also think you have to be open that their may be more revelations yet to come. But it is impossible for her to be perfect, so don't expect that.