I seem to be making a bit of progress on the detachment front. When I saw her today, I didn't feel that magnetic pull toward her that I always used to feel. She seems more and more like an ordinary person with each passing day. But I don't want to overstate the point, I still need to make a lot of progress on the detachment front and I'm definitely still attached.
However, here are some things that have helped me detach. First, minimal contact has been a spectacular help for me on all fronts. I don't know where I'd be if I were in an IHS. I also don't know where I'd be if she weren't living with OM and already engaged. It probably would be a lot harder to resist the urge to reach out. Under the circumstances, it's easy to resist. Second, it helps that she's taking all of her possessions over to the OM's house. That means there's less and less around the house to remind me of her.
She's noticed that I never reach out to her. Yesterday, she told me that I should text her about the kids from time to time. I looked at her blankly and said okay. But it isn't going to happen and she knows it. I'm definitely going to come out of this sitch with my pride intact. I'm probably going to be divorced at Christmas though. I'm thinking of asking for the kids for Thanksgiving week in even years and Christmas week in odd years. I don't want to share the days.
I wish I could stop her from coming into the house and making herself at home when she picks up the kids. I am sure that it makes it easier for her to deal with leaving. But the law doesn't let me do that. At the moment, I just spend my time in another room. Of course, she comes into my room from time to time, stares at me, and starts talking to me. I suspect she feels guilty or nostalgic, neither of which mean anything.
I wonder why it doesn't bother the OM that she spends so much time at the house with me after she drops off the kids. If I were in a relationship with a cheater, it would definitely concern me. But I'm not in a relationship with a cheater anymore.
Kids are home tonight. Things are good. We'll see about tomorrow though. I need to learn how to thrive when the kids aren't home. Right now, all I do is stay busy and get everything ready for them to come back. It helps take my mind off things, but I need to learn how to enjoy my alone time.
