Jealousy - it's a natural thing. Even the dumper feels to a degree when they see the dumpee with someone else. As the dumpee, the more you want the R the higher you will be on the jealousy scale. I am probably not even at a 2 anymore, I would say I am close to Zero. That number can and will temporarily bounce when I see her with someone. How do you get your jealousy number down? GAL, improve yourself, realize your own worth, become more attractive and believe it and feel the attention, and analyze W's flaws and realize she may not be that great of catch and Mr. New Guy does not know what he is in for LOL.
Validation - you don't just practice on women and it's not just for women, it's to be done with everyone. Validate everyone. It can take awhile for it to become a habit, but it will if you practice. Once it become a habit, you will see how all your interactions and relationships will improve, and how you will be viewed as someone who "really gets it".
Analyze W's flaws - do it and do it deeply, and talk it out in IC. I'm not saying blame everything on her, I'm just saying understand her as totally as possible, including flaws. If you're going to recon, you need to understand how to deal with them. But you may not want to recon the more you evaluate her core issues. In any event, you will be better served. And it will help you in your next R, as you will be better at identifying traits that will not work for you.
Being disrespected and treated with contempt - never accept abuse. For me there is nothing I ever did to get to that mindset, I have always even as a kid refused to be dissed or condescended to etc. I just have strong boundaries that are always enforced. Enforcement is different depending on the situation. If your W is laying it on heavy, all you have to do is say something like "okay you are being really nasty and rude, and I'm just not going to listen to it. When you're ready to act calmly like an adult, we can talk about (whatever the issue is) then." And then just STFU. Hang up if you're on the phone or you can leave the room or the house if you have to. When you get better at it, you won't have to even leave the room - I only did if I was moving about the house doing tasks anyway - I just carried on doing whatever I wanted. Be prepared that W will probably not calm down and will rage on for a bit, but don't let that sway you to engage. Don't do it.
Hope all here are well, we will get back to a better sense of normalcy soon, hang in there and stay positive!!!
Last edited by Ready2Change; 06/02/2009:55 PM.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
