Unsure where I stand

[SteveLW]

Andy88, sorry for your situation. Welcome to the board. I can only relate to this in part because my W never left. In our first sitch 15 years ago she immediately said she'd end her EA, and wanted to stay and work on the MR and not get a D. Then 2 1/2 years ago her attitude was different. She immediately said she wanted a D, wanted to get a job, and wanted to get her own apartment. You W sounds like she was where mine was but followed through.

During my sitch 2 1/2 years ago I read and learned a lot about infidelity, why women at our W's ages suddenly felt this itch to rekindle their sexuality outside of the marriage. But I have to warn you, that is the feeling I am getting here. I found a book about why women cheat by another author (not MWD so I can't tell you the name) that explained in detail a lot about women and their hormonal journey. About how men peak sexually earlier in life, and women later. So a woman in her 40s moving into her sexual peak becomes very much like a late teen, early 20s boy: horny as all get out and wanting it with as many partners as possible.

One thing that I learned from that author is that wives do not need their own place to work on the MR, or to find themselves. They need their own place to sleep with other people.

I do not say this to you to hurt you, I say this to you to prepare you. Likely the other shoe is going to fall and your W is engaged in an affair. Likely was only an EA at first that moved into a PA. But the suddenness of all of this points in that direction.

You talk about your W's excitement at discussing the D. That was my W to a tee. Whenever she talked about getting the D, getting her job and her own place she was excited. She was convinced that would make her happy. She wanted me to keep the house, for our D to live with me, and she could come over and play "family". The first bubble I popped of hers was that the latter wasn't going to happen. That I wasn't going to sit idly by and allow her to breeze in and out of my living space. I insisted we'd sell the house, split everything down the middle, that we would have our D living with each of us 50/50, and that I had to be able to move forward with my life just like she did. That really started to burst her wayward fog bubble.

Andy, your sitch reminds me so much of my W"s plan. Even down to her taking some of the furniture. I remember having that conversation with her like it was yesterday.

So go recapture that life you used to have. Reconnect with old friends. Pick up old hobbies.Stay busy. Continue focusing on yourself for improvements you can make. Get yourself into IC. Read like crazy. ANd finally work on detaching from her. If you are like most of us you were way to dependent on your W for your own happiness. Go find Andy88 again, learn to be happy by yourself. There is no more of attractive person than the person that is happy and fulfilled on their own!