Together 23 years Married 19 years 2 boys, 17 and 15 She filed for divorce in February She left in April
Hello everyone, I am new here as you can probably tell. I have been reading some of the other threads and decided to post about my current situation. My wife filed for divorce in February. She was loving and caring right up to that point. Still showing affection, cuddling, saying I love you, making plans with me etc. She told me on a Saturday and that Monday the filing happened. I told her that is not what I want but I want you to be happy. So, I got a lawyer, and we were discussing all the splitting up stuff details, which was really hard and really wearing on me. I kept calm and positive throughout that and she was excited and happy talking about it, which also hurt. After a couple weeks I asked her what would need to change for her to be happy in our marriage. Then I took that info and started doing self work. After a couple weeks I asked her to put a hold on the divorce and give me some time to show her I was serious and dedicated to working on our marriage. She said she would not put a hold on it, but that I have plenty of time. So, I kept on. In April she came to me and said, I got an apartment and I am leaving now. She got some clothes and drove away.
I was really shocked because just the night before we spent about 3 hours talking, which was her talking and me listening and working on validating. She was talking about her feelings and her childhood and really opening up it seemed, none related to us our our marriage though. I thought it went really well and then the next day, she left.
I haven't seen or spoke to her much since then. I have called her twice. Once the first night and asked if she was okay. And again about a week later to tell her that I understand what she told me and a divorce is not what I want but if that is what she wants then okay. I have seen her very briefly a couple times when she came to pickup things or the kids. I said hi politely and went into another room. Other than that the only contact I have had is her emailing me related to either divorce stuff or arrangements for the kids. I respond only if required.
The last couple weeks I have been redoing some things around the house. She took the living room furniture and the kitchen table, so I have replaced and rearranged all that. She left a lot of her stuff here so I have put most of it in boxes in the basement as I rearranged stuff. She hasn't come to pick stuff up since she took the furniture about a month ago.
I do love my wife and want to work this out, I am not sure if that will happen though. I have been working on myself and taking care of our boys. I had them for about a month but the last couple weeks or so they have spent half their time with her. Since our oldest is 17, he pretty much drives himself and his brother back and forth. So I really don't see her much at all. Like I said a couple times for a minute each.
I really have no idea how she is doing, how she feels, whats been going on with her. So I have no idea if there is really even a chance. I have been just going on with my life and keeping a small hope in my heart. Exercising, counseling, self work, etc., and spending time with our boys when I have them. She hasn't tried to settle the divorce at all, but I imagine that is because she just wants it to go to a judge so I don't think that is really any indication of anything. She did stop wearing her wedding ring the day she left. I haven't said anything but of course the couple times I saw her I noticed it was not there.
So later today she is planning to pickup the rest of her clothes. It has been a couple weeks since she was last here. I am planning the same, say hi and let her in, the go in the other room and keep working.
I guess I am doing okay so far. I miss her a lot still. I want her to come home still. I know life will go on and I will be okay if she doesn't, it is just not what I hope happens.
Thanks for reading. Let me know if I am making any mistakes that you see. Or any other advice of course.
