Do I keep her out if the bedroom? Do I continue on with our lives while working to be better? I am going to MC tonight, which my W has begged me to do. I just don't know what boundaries I set from here
Is she actively engaged in a PA? If not then no, do not kick her out of the bedroom. You are punishing her for something that has already been over and done.
WOrk through this in MC. "When I found out about the other earlier affair I felt..............................."
Betrayed all over again. Hurt all over again. All the old wounds reopen.
But again, I am going to caution you on demanding full disclosure. Do not obsess. Everyone makes mistakes, you should allow her the time to process, allow yourself the time to process, before doing anything rash.
I guess it boils down to this: You knew about the year long affair. Now you know about the 1 month affair prior to that one. Is that new knowledge WORSE than the former knowledge you had? What if there are more? Does that become a deal breaker for you?
If you go back and read my threads, you'll see that about 6 months into Ring and piecing, I hit a point where I was ready to walk away. I had won my W back. She was doing all of the loving things she had done years before. We were a team again. And then the realization that I wasn't happy for quite a while before BD started to creep back in. And you know what? I almost walked away. If she had had a slip up, contacted OM just to see how he was doing I would have used it as an excuse to blow up the entire MR.
I wonder if that isn't what is going on here. The reality of your marriage to her prior to her waywardness is starting to come back. Humans are crazy creatures....tell us we can't have something and that will become an obsession for us to try and get it! Were you fulfilled and happy before your W went wayward? Or were you unhappy about things in your marriage? When BD happens you forget your own frustrations. And if you R, sometimes those frustrations come back.
I've had to check myself. My W never was and never will put the importance on a neat and clean house that I do. I can either become the old Steve and handle that wrong. Or I can realize that difference and find ways around it. Cleaning myself. Hiring a cleaning service. Etc.
Personally, I think you overreacted to this new revelation. If she were actively in another affair then I could see you taking the actions you have and are contemplating. Read Gordie's quote above. Bumps in the road, twists and turns are inevitable. How you handle all of that is more important than the bumps and twists and turns.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
