His continued communication with her also brings up emotions for me and our current situation with nesting. He has a pretty ideal situation: lovely home, kids whose lives aren't too disrupted by the S, doesn't have to think about really moving out, doesn't have to think too much about the general maintenance of the kids (there is always food in the house, I keep it clean and do the kids' laundry, I do most of the at home schooling). AND he gets to keep his EA going.
Ugh, Sage, I had this with my own cake-eating H - lovely home life 4 days a week, with the kids, and 3 days away in the city, living it up, socialising, having fun, no responsibilities, EAP (or whatever). There was no reason for it to change - he had the best ov everything. I held on to the rope for far too long, because he gave me enough breadcrumbs to keep me interested. I was needy, clingy etc. All the times I pulled away, he pulled me back, and so we repeated this for a year. I agree with Alison and May. Pull back and do nothing. I had some great advice on my thread (part 3) in the last week from May & Wayfarer about dropping the rope and how to behave (or not) in my interactions. For me, I got to a point where I'd had enough. I dont know if it did any good but I was vocal about what I wanted and I began to stand up for myself, I began to value myself and know my own worth. I cut him off basically, and started to plan without him - I booked a trip for me and my girls. Previously (in the last year) I wouldnt plan anything because of limbo and not knowing if we would or wouldnt be together. I arranged trips out, BBqs (as much as I can in lockdown). I had also recently bought a few bits for the house and garden, changed the photos in the house (removed the ones of him) . Our lives go on without him and i felt strong being independent of him. This has put me back in the driving seat - not in terms of the M, but in terms of my own destiny. You will get there - you are stroing enough, and you deserve more. Remember your worth. You cant control his timeline, unfortunately, but you can certainly give him plenty to think about when you take control of yourself again. {{hugs}}
M:49 H:49 T:20 M:18 D:16 D:14
EA: Feb 2019-May 2020 Separated: Mar-early Aug 2020 H asked to reconcile: Jun 2020 EA relapse: Oct/Nov 2020 Recon #2: since Nov 2020
