OK I will hold of on the separation conversation for now. I do get what you mean about the money, though I am not sure what I would go back and change on that front, even if I could. My wife also has MS, so having that extra money for medical bills, has been a godsend.
I hate shopping and do everything I can to get out of doing it. For groceries we really don't even use a budget. What we have always done was sit down, decide what we want to eat for the week then go buy what we need to make those 7 meals + lunches, snacks, etc. I don't go with her clothes shopping either, though we do use a budget there with some +- leeway. She will call if she plans on going WAY over for some reason though. I have NEVER, not even once, denied her anything she needed. The only thing I really put a stop to was random junk gadget buying. She literally bought 9 pencil holders over less than a year (because they were cute and ONLY cost $10-$20 each). No one needs that many pencil holders. She bought lots of stupid kitchen gadgets, many of which, that even after 12+ years are still IN THE BOX unused. For instance one of the early ones was a funnel cake making kit, yet after 15 years not 1 funnel cake has been made in this house. That is what I mean by wasting money. Buying something needed is always alright no approval required. Buying unnecessary trash that will never get used is the line. I can see how that is still control, but I also know without it, especially with her medical bills, we would be dead broke instead of sitting pretty. I will try to work on it though.
I am not a waffler, or a crawfisher. Cheating is a 100% deal breaker. I was engaged once before and she cheated. I took the ring I gave her and never spoke to her again. I feel so strongly about cheating I won't even watch movies about cheating such as Indecent Proposal. I have spent the last two days preparing myself mentally to initiate a separation if that was the advice I was given or a D if I found out she had cheated. After dealing with this mess for 2 weeks and losing sleep, Friday night when I really suspected her cheating and made up my mind if I am right it was all over, the last 3 nights have been the best sleep I have since this started.
i have not confronted her with my suspicions and evidence yet, I wanted to wait to hear from you guys first. Speaking of should I tell her what I suspect and why or just leave it be? I think she is the type that when confronted if it's true would not be able to hide it. It was like that when she was hiding her relapse with smoking. She hid it for a while but when confronted she couldn't look me in the eye and deny it.
Either way, I already know that even with a D I will survive, I could probably even thrive better than I have for the last 10 years. This is emotionally challenging but I know that once I know for sure I can "let go and let god" and be just fine. For now, I just finished my new daily workout and I'm feeling good.
