And then it was over.

[BlueSea]

Alot of things happened for me yesterday.
1. Light bulb moment spurred on by Gingers post about not being a doormat, and understanding what that meant I needed to do.
2. Kids telling me they just want me to be done with him, I have asked them to be nice - they don't want to be, and don't want him here anymore. They don't like him, and do not like how I am tolerating all this.
3. His email. I just felt numb about it.
4. Nothing changed. He stepped out all last night, 11pm to 5am.

Last night, I ended up driving around, bought some vodka - parked in my own driveway - and drank. I am not a drinker. What I do remember telling him, was that all the wife activities (laundry, cooking, cleaning for him) would be stopping - that this was something I could not do going forward without growing resentment towards him. He tried to respond that he had no expectations and he could help clean...but I clipped him off. I just wanted to have my say - because he ALWAYS has had expectations that I do all that for him. (hovering over the dinner pans and asking what is his - not touching anything in the kitchen, leaving his laundry basket overflowing)

I let him know that the kids have issues with all this and him, and that I would not be running interference any longer. They will be treating him based on how they feel. That is up to him to handle his own relations with them.
- He says with sarcasm, "sure, they think I am the bad guy" - I felt he was baiting me, and did not respond. That would just be argument territory and I did not want to get waylaid there.

He told me that the email was just him taking one brick off the 'resentment wall' he has for me. That he still has alot of resentment against me. That he can not be with me in any way yet. That whatever books I am reading or advice I am getting, is working. He needs his time and space to figure things out. I did alot of nodding and agreeing. He rarely says anything so I just listened. He hugged me, he told me I really looked good. And then I left the room. In an hour he left the house.

I guess after all that - I was really surprised that he stepped out last night. During our conversation, he said he knew it was hard on me, and I told him that the next day after he is out all night is really hard on me - and I let him know that I could not handle that for too long. But he went anyway. So there you have it, he does not care.

Believe nothing of what they say and half of what they do....

My sadness is turning the corner to anger. And it seems like its going to be alot easier to detach now. Plus, hearing the kids hurt, is fueling the momma bear. I feel little parts of me assembling, coming together in pieces. My plans for today are to DB hard and tend to the kids and myself.