During the lockdown, I've told him to get out and surf more because this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to surf these uncrowded places without all the tourists. I said this, and he didn't disagree with me-- he said, OK, I guess you are right-- but he had internalized all this to the point that he's still holding on to a paradigm that ended more than a year ago. So here's a situation where we have been living under the same roof for all these months, I've implemented a 180 with, in this case, perfect or near-perfect consistency, been LOVING how it makes me feel-- and my H still doesn't truly trust it. I feel badly for him on this, since I know how awful it is to have any solo time tinged with guilt. (Any advice for me? Just keep it up? Should I make more of a point of it or just do what feels right to me?)
I can really resonate with this - and I'm going to post about something similar on my thread later, so would appreciate your insight too, if you have any.
My gut feeling here is that this is his work to do, and anything that you do or don't do with the aim of getting him to see or accept or trust your changes is likely to come of as manipulative - you want him to get on board and accept your changes because sure - he'll be happier - but also because he's then more likely to act in ways you want him to, right?
I think his work is to look carefully at who you are today, rather than seeing you through the lens of the past, or his own resentment or hurt or lack of trust. And he will either do that, or not do it, in his own time. I think here, some detachment for you is needed: his reactions to or opinions about your changes are his own to deal with, and how he feels as a result of his lack of trust is also on him. You just live your life the best way you know how, and respond to him as he is today the best way you know how.
