Thank you so much for sticking to my sitch LH!! How would you validate without telling her anything of the situation? She doesn't know what's going on.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
I agree w/LH19. There is no need to "air" your situation w/others, especially friends trying to contact her. Right now, it is no one else's business about what is going on w/you and your wife. If your w does contact them, it will be up to her to advise her friends what is going on. The ball would be in her court to explain what is going on. Keep your response short and to the point.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
One of W's best friends from college, who also sang at our wedding reached out. She says she can't get a hold of W and is wondering how she is? W has been avoiding everything and almost everyone from "our" part of her life for the past 6 months. The friend and her husband recently had a child, and now she can't he t a hold of one of her better friends... I feel sorry for the friend and get angry at W.
It's not unusual. One of the old timers here used to say that a WAS detaches in this order- spouse, close family, friends and then when they reattach they do it in the opposite order. If their friends don't enable their behavior, especially if they are wayward, then they drop those friends and surround themselves with enablers.
Quote
Hi friend "Me and W are partly separated since 4 months back. So things aren't great but we are getting by. How are you three doing? Would love to meet you guys and the baby! Will tell W you reached out. "
If the friend doesn't know you're separated then I think it's OK to tell her. Your statement above is pretty good, but I would leave out the part about things not being great. I also wouldn't offer to tell W anything, just stay out of it. LH's suggestion of validation is good- "I'm sorry you haven't heard from her, hopefully she will reach out to you soon."
Hi all, and thank you so much for all advice!! LH, AS, Job (nice to see you stopping by!) I keep saying it but this place truly is amazing!
Unfortunately for DB my workday has been crazy hectic and I answered the friend in the middle of it and never returned here to see these awesome replies... Didnt go to bad though. I answered a mix of what you guys said but a bit too much detail.
I totally agree with you AS on staying out of it. In my work stress I actually both gave the friend my W's work phone number AND told W about it... That last part is SOO much NGS. W replied "Thank you H" (With a heart emoji?) Basically I have "helped" W to soften the blow, while being her errand boy... D@mn it! Luckily this thing is a minor part of the whole sitch.
Once again THANK YOU for all your replies. This process is relaly helping me develop as a man and personally! I realize more and more the depth of my NGS...
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
