No work this weekend and no kid. Kind of rough on me sometimes. I did manage to keep myself busy with my yard, planting and landscaping. I grew up in apartments and this is my very first house with my own yard. I made a small garden and today I planted flowers. Looks ok so far. It’s a lot of work. And I really don’t know what I’m doing. But the weather this weekend was freaky, it keeps me busy, my hands and mind occupied, so it’s a good thing. No mindless eating, no thinking about everything that is going on. I do love it. Last nights I went to target to distract myself from my thoughts. They become a little dark at night. I’m lonely. I want to play with my friends again! Families see eachother around here. Not many friends. But I hope that changes soon. There is a good hope outdoor dining will open up tomorrow. And I am dying for a meal away from my dog yelling at me.
The ex and D12 came by yesterday. He had to pick up the steaks I got him ( forgot them when he picked up D 12 the other day) I didn’t realize they left his wife in the car. D12 forgot something and said to her dad “ Go to the car , H is waiting in there. He said “ I see enough of her” then he turned to my dog and said “but I don’t see enough of you! “ weird. He made the steaks tonight and sent me a text thanking me for them.
In a nutshell , I’m keeping busy, I’m pretty tan, and I’m lonely and sad sometimes. But I still make the best out of life. I am working through something very tough. Through realizing I will lay likely never have a partner. Maybe some short term R’s like I have, but long term just isn’t happening for me , and singledom is my fate. I’m learning to be ok woth that and grieve and it’s a tough loss. I am an affectionate loving giving person. But it just isn’t in the cards. And I have to be OK with that. Not easy, but not impossible. Look at everything I’ve overcome and accomplished and all the realities I faced head on. This is just one more.
