And then it was over.

[BlueSea]

Thank you Ginger! I finally get what you are saying! Doormat = asking him to stay & treating him like a husband.

I definitely made a big mistake in asking him to stay. I think I threw in something like, 'I can't make you stay, but I prefer you did', that was the intention, but I know it came off more like I am okay with you staying while you figure this (ie, the affair) all out. Can I fix this? How do I do tee that up for a re-do? I know R talks are taboo. Do I just wait until he brings it up, saying he wants to leave? Because I think that is coming, not sure. My response to that would be something like, 'If this is what you want to do, I can not stop you - let me know when you plan to go and I will have the kids and myself out of the house so you can go without us here.' That wasn't my speech but the DB coach. It sounds good to me, then I would exit left, go make dinner, or go for a ride.

After the above gets cleared up - there are two options: if he decides to stay I WILL NOT act like his wife - ie, no dinners, no laundry, nothing. Talk only when he initiates - and respond friendly but cordial. No R talks. And keep the focus on me and the kids only. I can do that.

The other option is if he goes, seems like its the same thing but on a 'less' level.

Ok, so now LH has also posted - and is saying that I should ask him to leave. This is where I start to get confused. Am I asking him to leave or letting him to decide what he wants to do?

THANK YOU BOTH!