12 months of limbo Mar 2019-Mar 2020. “Confused” WAH; on/off EA, ILYB Separated Mar 2020, currently 11 weeks, in COVID lockdown the whole time May 31st 2020 WAH has asked me to take him back. I’m considering what to do and how to handle this.
Last post on Part 3:
So I have seen H today and he has asked if I will take him back.
I asked what has changed in the last couple of weeks. He said he can’t explain but something has flicked a switch and he realises he loves me and is in love with me. He says things he couldn’t imagine before (us as lovers) he can now see . He wants to be my husband, to shower me with love, affection, be my lover, do all the things to make me feel special. He says he’s been so focussed on me and my role in the relationship that he has overlooked his role, and his contribution to making the M work. He wants to be my partner as we grow older.
I said it’s not as simple as just taking him back, and I need to think about what I want. I said we have danced this dance (pursuer-distanced) many times before and I don’t want to play anymore. He said he can see how it has been, that he’s always felt love for me but something missing has held him back. Now he feels like everything he wants is right there.
The cynic inside should be asking how can you just flick a switch to turn on your feeling again, but I can 100% vouch for the fact that it is possible. 15 months ago we went out for dinner, we were at rock bottom, we hated each other, we hadn’t been intimate for a year and I was convinced the conversation would be about D/S. What actually happened was we had a brilliant night, I saw the man I had fallen in love with, we ended up in bed for a whole weekend and it felt amazing and I was in love again. Unfortunately he found it hard to,understand how I could go from no sex for a year to wanting him so much literally overnight. ( It was about a month after that that I found out about the EA. )
In spite of that, I am wary. I feel in control, I feel like I have seen glimpses of my original H, the one I loved deeply, not the sh1tbag of the last 12 months.
He got very emotional explaining about how he felt and how he had hurt me. But now he is seeing the me that he fell in love with, the confident, happy person. He wants to be a proper husband, and treat me the way I deserve. He wants to love me and for me to love him in the way he wants to love me.
He came back to the house after the walk and helped me finish the patio heater. I dropped him home and we pecked on the lips and that was it.
I feel a bit giddy, excited perhaps. This is definitely the most genuine I have seen him in 12 months of wishy-washy confusion. All it seems to have taken is a dress and a pair of heels! No discussion or Qs about if I had OM. I feel calm but a little bit fearful of him changing his mind. He said he feels certain. But I’ve heard that before.
So DBers....what next? How do I play this?
Last edited by Pommy99; 05/31/2011:04 PM.
M:49 H:49 T:20 M:18 D:16 D:14
EA: Feb 2019-May 2020 Separated: Mar-early Aug 2020 H asked to reconcile: Jun 2020 EA relapse: Oct/Nov 2020 Recon #2: since Nov 2020
