And then it was over.

[BlueSea]

Vent & Journal:
He stepped out last night. It still hurts - knowing that this great guy, great father, great husband - who I trusted implicitly - continues to betray me - and that he knows that I know he steps out - the new f'ing normal. Yes, I know I signed up for this by having him stay here. But I still need to vent, somewhere, here goes: His selfishness to run from his unhappiness to an OW that I don't think he loves, just loves the way she makes him feel - while destroying the rest of us - makes me so mad. We all go thru hard times. Unhappy marriages do not cause affairs, a-hole spouses do.

I too had been struggling the past years - thinking " is this it? " in relation to life. Carting the kids around (and teens are not so grateful about anything), going to work every day, efforts around the house, dealing with a husband that was so distant and removed (quietly building a wall of resentment) but for all purposes wouldn't speak up and tell me anything was wrong - that all wore on me too! BUT I DID NOT GO AND TURN TO HAVING AN AFFAIR!

So here I am dealing with HIS feelings, having to acknowledge HIS version of everything, HIS re-writing of history, ie, being the villain in this story. Why does HIS journey take precedence? - he was the selfish a@@hole that is ripping apart the family. I understand that while he is doing his thing, I need to do mine - and I should use that time - I get that - BUT - I was FORCED to take this journey by HIM. WHICH IS COMPLETELY UNFAIR!

I don't think states should have no-fault divorces any more - I don't think society should just 'okay' the wayward spouse without any punishment whatsoever. I hate that society is now okay with the idea of 'well, its okay to out grow people' or whatever bs statement that condones just walking out and all over someone. I think if things were made tougher - we wouldnt have over 50% of marriage dump into D. Not to mention what it does to the kids.

I know. For all I vent - nothing will change where I am at. But where I am at right now is pretty F'ING MAD RIGHT NOW. I tell you what though, feeling mad is a heckuva lot better than feeling sad.