Well, while I am sorry to hear of this, all I can say is thank goodness you did not rush in there and propose and move in together. Things can always be worse; you could be playing whack-a-mole 24/7.
Remembering my water park (and amusement park) days with young kids, even numbers are best! Personally, had I been in the Doc's situation, I would have brought a friend for my son. I hope I am wrong on this, but I have this sinking feeling that maybe this kid does not have any friends. And on the nights the girls were coming over I would have him have over several friends to change and soften the dynamic. It takes a lot of work and effort to socialize young kids but it pays big dividends. Was he properly socialized with peers? Does he have several buddies he can have over?
Kids are extremely perceptive and almost always underestimated. From my vantage point the question is not so much are you happy with the current situation but, how can we make this better? It seems to be escalating and even when it is not, it' always there under the surface: will they get along today?
I think this problem is not going to go away for a while until these kids see there's something in it for them to blend families. While you may love being the Saudi Prince, her son is watching all that so he has zero interest in opening the door further for you. Your girls are watching that and seeing the contrast of how she treats her boyfriend of a hot second vs. her own son. And then the kids are seeing the different parenting styles and wondering how it all affects them. It's a whole lot!
It seems to me it would help to build a relationship with this kid to alleviate some of this tension from him. But I also think a lot of this comes from the fact that there is something off with the Doc's relationship with him. I think he is not good enough and it seems like often his love is dependent on performing: reciting bible verses and showing how smart he is. There is an opportunity for you to come in here and try to build a bond with this kid. Maybe it's sitting down and trying to play a few of these games with him. As he's into video games, maybe it starts with going to a store (or looking at the App store) and browsing, even buying one you can play together? Maybe it's going to a store and picking out a Lego or something you can build together. He needs to look forward to seeing you. Maybe it's let's grab lunch together: you pick!
As for your girls, on the nights they are with you, do you have many times where it's just the 3 of you and you don't go to the Doc's? Did you tell the Doc what your younger daughter said about wanting to live with her mother if you marry? You have to find out the root of this and fix it in the same way the issues with the boy need to be fixed.
Maybe it would be worthwhile for you and the Doc to have a consult with a family therapist experienced in blending families? You have been saying for a while how great this all is, but the reality is EVERY relationship is work in one form or another. Nothing worth having in this world comes without significant work.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
