Limbo over, now separated but in lockdown (part 3)

[Pommy99]

Hi Pommy, just checking in to see how you are doing today? I know that those 'temp checks' can throw me back on the rollercoaster (which I had just worked SO hard to get off of!). How is your mental/emotional state today? I hope you have/had a chance to do something for yourself today!

Hi Sage, I’ve been remarkably calm. This is the first time that I’ve felt properly in control of my emotions and not got caught up in a spiral of anxiety. I’ve been in this place several times before and now I know I’ve had enough. If he wants me he’s got to work hard. Previously I would have had him back at any cost- for the kids, the family, the lifestyle, the security etc. Now I know what I really want and deserve, and it’s not some half-@rsed excuse of a H! I want to be loved!

So yesterday he asked if I was free in the morning to talk and I said no. I went out and rode 100km on my bike, just on my own, 4hrs in glorious sunshine. Proper “me time”. When I got home he was at the house dropping the kids off. I said hi and then disappeared for a shower. He honestly couldn’t do enough for me...and I was so tired as it’s been a while since I’ve done those kind of miles I let him make lunch, make coffee, water my plants. And yes, May, ....he fed the birds!!!! We didn’t talk the talk and he asked if we could meet up today. So I’ve told him I’ll meet him after I’ve finished assembling my new patio heater!

Also.... he is so. ridiculously. predictable. If he feels hurt/scared that you might be "moving on" you may get another verbal lurch towards D... just be prepared for that. My guess is it will be continued temp checking, just on the other side-- to see if he'll get a response that way.

After I read this yesterday May, I realised I hadn’t considered that he may throw in a D talk - and maybe he still will, so thank you for the heads up on that as I would’ve been unprepared. However, he took the kids out yesterday and he’s told them he misses me, wants to come home and now it’s all down to me. I’m slightly annoyed that he’s brought the kids into this before he’s even spoken to me. And he’s REALLY hung up on the fact I may have OM as he’s mentioned it to them several times, even saying that the flowers on the dining table must’ve come from OM (actually i bought them for myself because I love me and when he lived here I never got flowers as he’s allergic to everything!!)

The kids are very cynical. They don’t want him back and to do what he did last month. So I’ve had to reassure them that nothing is going to change just yet. They’ve seen me in so much pain, and it put them in their own pain as well, so they are rightly apprehensive.

I feel very clear on where I stand. I will do what you suggest and say that I have not closed the door on any options. If this is called being in the driving seat then I feel like Lewis Hamilton right now!!

Will update later!!