Made it a year - part 4

[kas99]

Regarding renting rooms, are you now thinking of living all on your own w/out any custody of your kids? Or are you just envisioning life after your kids go to college?

Life after they move out.

I understand 14 year olds have their priorities and much growing up to do. I know that if one parent bribes or does the Disney parent thing, that works in the short term but backfires long term when the kids mature and realize they were used as pawns. That is why my ex did with my older son. Sometimes it takes kids many, many years to see what was done to them. Sometimes, they see it faster.

D14 is here now and she gets it more than I gave her credit for.....but giving up Disney for a tent in the backyard isn't something that sounds appealing to her. He's treating her worse than ever though but disney.

In my opinion, I agree with you that forcing her to move somewhere she does not want to will drive a wedge between you two. Yes, you may able to do it legally but it’s hard to fight that battle before kids mature a bit to see the bigger picture. Because you may win in court but when it’s time to enforce it, it drives the kids to the Disney parent

He's out every night until 2am now but he buys her expensive things.

However, this does warrant a come to Jesus conversation with her discussing that you do want her there; love is not contingent on your own room. This is temporary and better times are to come. Even if you don’t win this battle, it’s important to still sow seeds saying you want her with you, you wish you could provide better and that she should not abandon going to you because of this. Personally, I think this is a message to reinforce over and over again. People fall on hard times and love is unconditional. Again, this is so that worst case scenario she just remembers hearing the message and it shapes her and her values. Best case scenario is she turns around.

She came over tonight to talk and I gave her a version of this speech. I can't guarantee a nicer house but we're a family and we love her even S19. S19 says he doesn't want her with H either. Says he's a pos and CPS needs to be called. They won't care but I appreciated the sentiment.

I don’t know what state you live in, but my very rudimentary handle on divorce with kids is that it is severely disadvantageous to have 2 households with vastly different qualities of life. Weren’t you a stay at home mom? If the support is not such that you both have somewhat comparable households, how does this impact the kids and their relationships with each parent. Can’t your lawyer sure this example w/D14 as evidence?

The attorney I interviewed said there is a huge disparity in income so she will fix that. The only relationship it has affected is the one I have with D14.

In general my understanding is all arguments need to be framed as “what is in the best interest of the kids?” The answer is: two loving homes with comparable lifestyles so that this kind of scenario does not exist. This is in the best interest of the kids.

Working on this. I'm just so scared that this isn't even remotely going my way.