Made it a year - part 4

[HaWho]

Regarding renting rooms, are you now thinking of living all on your own w/out any custody of your kids? Or are you just envisioning life after your kids go to college?

I understand 14 year olds have their priorities and much growing up to do. I know that if one parent bribes or does the Disney parent thing, that works in the short term but backfires long term when the kids mature and realize they were used as pawns. That is why my ex did with my older son. Sometimes it takes kids many, many years to see what was done to them. Sometimes, they see it faster.

In my opinion, I agree with you that forcing her to move somewhere she does not want to will drive a wedge between you two. Yes, you may able to do it legally but it’s hard to fight that battle before kids mature a bit to see the bigger picture. Because you may win in court but when it’s time to enforce it, it drives the kids to the Disney parent.

However, this does warrant a come to Jesus conversation with her discussing that you do want her there; love is not contingent on your own room. This is temporary and better times are to come. Even if you don’t win this battle, it’s important to still sow seeds saying you want her with you, you wish you could provide better and that she should not abandon going to you because of this. Personally, I think this is a message to reinforce over and over again. People fall on hard times and love is unconditional. Again, this is so that worst case scenario she just remembers hearing the message and it shapes her and her values. Best case scenario is she turns around.

I don’t know what state you live in, but my very rudimentary handle on divorce with kids is that it is severely disadvantageous to have 2 households with vastly different qualities of life. Weren’t you a stay at home mom? If the support is not such that you both have somewhat comparable households, how does this impact the kids and their relationships with each parent. Can’t your lawyer sure this example w/D14 as evidence?

In general my understanding is all arguments need to be framed as “what is in the best interest of the kids?” The answer is: two loving homes with comparable lifestyles so that this kind of scenario does not exist. This is in the best interest of the kids.