Didn't want to admit it here for fear of DnJ judgement, but I did give her the finger the very first time. Don't think she saw me, but still. Whoops. Sorry DnJ
I think all your ideas about OW are are in play to varying degree and affect. A 21 year old who broke up a marriage and family is in the deep end of the pool. Something I’m pretty sure she didn’t dream about doing as a little girl. Cheating with someone, defines you, and paints your world similarly. So yeah, she’s insecure, big time.
And you are her competition. You are the Mom and were the wife. She will never be able to live up to your example. No matter what, her relationship started in less than high moral standards. It is built upon sand. The likelihood of its crumbling is pretty high. She knows this, or at least feels and suspects it.
I’m pretty sure you have been built up into the crazy ex-wife from H. She is waiting to see it, and she’s going to be disappointed. Sorry, no drama here. Move along OW.
Another interesting thing is she’s a witness. The weeks after BD I never met W without someone else there. If things ever got to a “he said she said” stage, I was going to get the short end of that legal stick. I was concerned about her lying about me or something I did. OW is protecting him. From you, not so much. From himself, yes.
Of course you aren’t threatening him (middle finger notwithstanding ). She ensures he stays on the straight and narrow during pick ups and drop offs. I think she and H both know how much of a goof he has been. Just an observation. As I said many things are in play with her decision to attend these times.
And I do think your Mom is on to something as well. OW is young and in love, sees herself spending the rest of her life with H. So yes, she is integrating herself into his life and the life of his son. From here, I see her behaviour with non-vindictive intent; it’s demonstrated in how well S2 is being treated.
Personally, I wouldn’t start parking your car differently just to make him park half on the street in an attempt to limit their lingering. Don’t give them that much power. Park where you want, because you want to, not to manipulate their behaviour. Besides they could come up with something worse and you’d be wishing she just stay in the car again.
As for me judging you. And you thought you made it through didn’t you. Just kidding. Love you.
Seriously, I don’t decide what’s right or wrong in your life. You control you and you choose your path. I will encourage, gently steer, sometimes more aggressively suggest things, etc. The choice is yours. Always.
Please don’t ever fear well intentioned suggestions, advice, admonishment, or a good old 2x4. Around here I’ve found them to be handed out kindly and with respect.
I’m sure there is something I could suggest, but I can’t seem to put my finger on it.
I think you are doing really well scout. You’ve got lots to be proud of.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
