Reading DnJ's wise words, I remembered something. When I was on the operating table for my mastectomy, my H was texting the OW about how freaked out he was, and worried. I found the text when we got home. Her screen name for him was, "My secret other wife." You can imagine my feelings finding that with all these bags and bandages hanging off of me. His response was so similar to your H's Wingy Windchime-gate response. He admitted it was wrong and said they hadn't been in contact but that he was so panicked and sad and had no other friend to go to. I told him he couldn't help me in anyway while I was recovering unless he ended it and he said he would. Her responses to him were about how I was going to be okay, etc. It was so confusing and horrible but I actually believed him at the time and had empathy for him. I remember thinking that he was so confused he thought that was okay to contact her and that he maybe did think of her as a friend, so it was innocent. That was 2014. She kept trying not to leave her husband but recently they got matching tatoos and she announced her divorce intention. Not sure how Covid has or hasn't changed things. He's still trying to force a sale of my home though I live in an epicenter of covid with two special-needs kids. I hope you can look at my sitch clearly and apply that to yours.
I know how you are feeling. You think we are not seeing things in your sitch because we aren't there. But we have all been there. If we are wrong, it won't change anything. Detaching and letting him go and finding your new normal is for you. If we are wrong, I assure you he will come back no matter what you do. He did wrong to a good woman, to his wife, against his vows, and until he can see that, he won't come back.
Last edited by Gerda; 05/29/2003:44 PM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
