Jimmy, likely this all got you excited and you were a little over enthused. This was a lot after such a long time. Dinner night, bike ride, then another dinner night and beach plans.
Do you know what that broadcast to her?
AVAILABLE AVAILABLE AVAILABLE
After the first dinner night, when she brings up bike riding your answer should have been "Sorry I am busy, let's take a rain check on that for now."
When my sister divorced her 1st husband (very justifiable D, he was a deadbeat (and a deadbeat with child support afterward), he was guilty of some light physical abuse (slapping her a couple of times), my sister started to move on with her now husband. But right before the D was finalized, my sister started questioning things. She reached out to my deadbeat ex-BIL and met up with him. He was very eager to meet with her. He thought, "yep I still have her attached" because before they got married he and her broke-up and got back together several times, usually because of the same issues that caused their marriage to splinter. Anyway, my sister needed that one last assurance that she was doing the right thing. She could even say afterward "well, before the D was final we gave it one last go".
Likely this is what was occurring with your STBXW. You didn't "ruin" it, because there was nothing to ruin. It was simply a woman about to make a huge life changing step (no one, and I mean no one WANTS to be divorced), and giving that "one last hail mary".
The problem isn't with her. It was with you. Being too available to her immediately. And attaching expectations after 2 dinner nights and a bike ride. Then you start texting her like crazy:
"What's wrong?" "What happened?" "Why can't be get back together?"
That screams NEEDY, NO LIFE, AND "PLEASE GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE!".
IE, unattractive.
Jimmy, we have a saying around here....never stop DBing. What that means is that whether she comes back, whether she doesn't, whether you start dating a new person, whether you decide to swear off women for good, you DB! GAL, 180s, detachment (look up self-differentiation). Otherwise, you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes of the past.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
