Made it a year - part 4

[Dawn70]

I don’t always respond because I’m not usually sure how to respond. I feel bad for you being in the situation you are in but I don’t really identify with it as some other might because it is just so different than my own D was. I think one thing everyone can agree on is that D SUX!!!!! It is hard, it is painful, it is gut-wrenching.

So, my lack of response isn’t lack of caring, it is just inability to offer sound advice because I didn’t have the same experience. My D process in and of itself was fairly quick and inexpensive because we didn’t have alimony and custody issues to deal with. No court or anything. We amicably hashed our our possessions, made a list, turned it into the court and 60 days later it was done.

For me, the other reason I don’t respond as often is that I fear sometimes my responses come across as harsh and that is absolutely never my intention. As I have said before, I really do feel terribly for you in your situation and the difficulties you are facing. It is rather easy for me, from the outside, only having VERY limited information, to pick out the positive in your situation, but I don’t live in it every day like you do.

Having said all that, though, here’s my response to your most recent posts, offered in what I hope is a helpful manner to just give you another viewpoint outside yourself to think about. I’m still confused about the whole D14 thing. Are you saying that she chooses to stay with H because she doesn’t have her own room at your house? You keep saying you can’t make her do anything, but kas, YOU are the parent, so you can, in fact, make her do anything. It might be tough and she may fight tooth and nail, but she isn’t 18 so until then, you still, technically, call the shots. Just because you don’t call the shots to keep the peace (Which is not necessarily a bad thing), doesn’t mean you can’t if push comes to shove. And just how does she think she is going to drive to see you more once she has her license? Does this indicate that H is planning to buy her a car? Based on what you have said about H, I can’t imagine that she is going to be using his car all the time.

As I have said before, you seem to spend a lot of time focusing on how H is benefitting or coming out ahead in this deal, but you need to focus more on your own positives. Girl, you have $10,000 saved up. That’s AMAZING! That tells me you are very smart with your financial decisions. That’s a HUGE positive in your corner. You have 3 kids whom you adore. They clearly love you too. You have a job, a roof over your head, food on the table, kids who love you. Your H, who you admit you are better off without, is out of your life and whether you believe it or not, you are on the path to a much brighter, happier future. Until you arrive there, try to focus on staying in your own lane and let H deal with his. From the outside looking in, you are doing MUCH better than you think you are.