MLC newbie- new thread

[DnJ]

Good Morning B6

You have received excellent advice from three wise gals here.

You do need to drop the rope and find indifference. (((Believe6)))

I found standing really starts when the LBS becomes healed enough to stand down. While healing and sorting out our lives, standing is pretty much the default option. We start standing for our marriage, then our relationship, then our spouse, and then ourselves. Slowly, one by one those are lost and our “stand focus” shifts until it finds ourselves. Of course, M, R, and spouse were lost long ago - it’s our perception that finally sees this and we create the loss. Thus dropping the rope.

Some LBS don’t get divorced and may have a more difficult time seeing their marriage torn asunder. My own M was destroyed rather quickly and I still took time to realize it.

As our focus shifts to us, as we start standing for us, you discover your beliefs, your values, your convictions. Here we make the ones we want stronger and those we don’t want we alter or discard. It’s a time of discovery and investment into yourself.

I am standing for myself. Right or wrong, good or bad, I am currently still honouring my vows. I keep my word. It’s who I am. It’s something that really matters to me.

I’m not married. I am divorced. This standing is not some ploy to win XW back. It’s following and living my beliefs. I don’t even like XW right now, and I’m not even sure I’d want her back.

However, standing, at its heart, at its root, has a hope and desire of reconciliation. And yes, with everything that’s happened and happening, I still hope, love, care and not. Indifference and compassion is a strange landscape until you get used to it.

Focus on you. Dropping the rope is difficult. Think about picking up a different rope - your’s.

H needs to, he is driven to, traverse his path. He is still running from his torment. You need to focus on yourself; two paths - healing and the business side of this.

Currently with H revealing where his emotions are at, you need to ensure your financial protection and security. He wants to get an apartment, is ok being with a married woman and having her cheat on and break up her marriage. To me it looks like he is working up to making a leap, another BD type of scenario.

Let him. You cannot stop him. Focus on you and protect you. As others have said, H’s journey is not about you, it’s about him. It’s not about letting him walk it, he’s going to do that anyhow. Letting him walk his path is for you, and how you approach this.

You cannot reach him, nor rationalize with him, nor explain this to him. He is completely driven by irrational emotional forces. He needs to do whatever he is going to do. He needs to see that his problems followed him to OW. That you were not the cause, that they are from within.

Focusing on you heals you and gives the best chance at H getting through his journey. If you are still around and interested when he exits the land of fantasy, and he does inner work, etc. Well you can worry about that then. For right now you have a life to live. A good life. Believe it.

DnJ