Given the speed with which everything has gone downhill, I suppose I am doing pretty good. Still haven't had that cry yet and I don't think that I will. Doing nothing is actually pretty easy when you're no longer living together. I've stopped checking for texts and waiting for the phone to ring. I don't even think about checking. Of course, I still think about her and the entire situation all the time. And I'm very sad about it. I struggle with detachment. I've read the entire detachment thread repeatedly and I just cannot will myself to stop feeling things.
I'm getting the hang of validating her feelings when she tells me she's upset about something. I nod my head and say "I understand you are feeling upset about X." It definitely makes her feel better than when I used to ignore her feelings. It seems like another one of those too little, too late things though. But this is going to be an awesome life skill. I can tell that people love having their feelings validated.
She seems upset a lot these days, even more so than when we were living together (of course, she was faking it at the end and trying to be a perfect wife as a cover). But with DBing, I manage to stay out of her way when she's upset. Of course, I've figured out why she's upset. It's being here with me. I was thinking that maybe it wasn't so great living with OM, but that is probably just wishful thinking.
She mentioned OM's name the other day in front of me and I reminded her that his name was not to be spoken in my presence. I feel like this alpha male thing is doing nothing but paving the way to divorce. On the other hand, maybe some other woman will find it attractive and I can learn from my mistakes this go round.
Otherwise, DBing is very quiet and peaceful. It is definitely working for me. But as I approach the end of the third month of my sitch, there's no apparent progress on the R front and she seems 100% invested in her new relationship. Still, the reality of the situation is much easier to deal with than being afraid of her choosing the OM. And I am thankful that I am not in an IHS. That seems like the worst.
She's also begun making comments here and there about why she feel out of love. In short, she thinks that I did not pay enough attention to her and that I did not make her my highest priority until it was too late. She's itching to tell me this is all my fault if I ever give her the chance to do it.... or maybe she wants to explain why OM is so much better than me. At this point, I cannot see why I would subject myself to that.
Finally, I must confess that this housekeeping thing is a lot more work than I thought. On the nights when I don't have the kids with me, I have to catch up with my cleaning so the place doesn't look terrible.
