Calling the lawyer is a good thing for you to do. Knowledge is power. But sleep on whether you want to pull that card right now. It could be the ‘out’ he is looking for. Are you really ready for that? From your posts, I don’t think you are.
I have done the same thing (talked to a lawyer, though didn’t retain one). For me, having that information helped me understand what I would be up against. But deep down, I wasn’t ready to make an ultimatum. And the longer I have sat within my situation, the more I realized that I didn’t want to be the one to actually file or move forward on that path. In some ways, leaving it up to him takes it out of my hands. It’s already a terrible position that your H has put you in, make him be the one to suffer the consequences of actually legally leaving your marriage.
I know that May (and others) have had a different experience with S and H leaving the home. I was scared to death of H leaving. It felt like just one more step towards the end of our M. But 6 weeks in to our S and I can say that it wasn’t the worst thing to have happened. I was a shell of a human those last few months living under the same roof, dealing with the minute-to-minute rejection, stonewalling and hurtful words. It was AGONY. And although the agony isn’t completely gone, the breathing room has allowed me to finally get closer to detaching. I am slowly reclaiming my value.
I see some similarities in our situations and for me, I now recognize that our R had absolutely no hope if we were to remain under the same roof. I am seeing tiny little flickers of hope right now. Nothing to write about, but certainly more than we could have accomplished living together.
Each of us has our own path to forge in this process. You will find yours.
