And then it was over.

[BlueSea]

May22!

They are following the same script. Your H is stuck in the limerence/fantasy of his A and no real-life relationship can ever compete. So don't try.

May22
I read part of your thread, looks like your H made the decision to end the A - mine is still in full EA/PA while living with me - and I am coming to terms with that. He "says" he has no love for the OW. And has no plans for a relationship with her. He could be lying, I don't know. He is seeing her while staying here - all the while telling me that he can compartmentalize and stay in this marriage. I am going to talk to the DB counselor tomorrow morning, who also told me before to just let it ride.I see you put a timeline on it, 6 weeks right? Do you think I should put a time limit on this situation?

Also you said "so don't try" --- what does this mean? Am I SOL until the A is over?

I just met with a divorce lawyer this morning - I too need to get my financial information in order - I will need his help with that so maybe this is a right time to approach H on that matter? - which also lets him know I am moving in a different direction as well.

I had really resisted him leaving-- that was my big boundary that I felt I'd never be able to forgive him for if he crossed

This is exactly how I feel!! if he does leave, then that abandonment would set me over the edge for sure.

MWD does say you can leave it, but really focus on yourself, GALing, and do not ask him about it or talk about the R at all. There is a chapter in her infidelity book about this that was helpful for me.

This is good to know, overwhelmingly the advice here has been to boot him out - I will look for the infidelity book, or is it in the DB book?

generally I would refrain from doing nice wife-like things for him. He isn't being your H right now, so don't treat him like one.

Yes, I agree on this point. I resent doing his laundry, so that is out. And having him walk out on me during the week, is for sure going to stir resentment, so I imagine things dropping off my list of to-do's for him.

I do not disagree that this is the more painful route - to have this happen all right in front of you. I will check out Wayfinders thread to understand more of what I am getting into. Thank you for that suggestion. I am entering this with much trepidation. I know I can not ask him to leave, so I really have not left myself with much choice.

You might also spend some time really getting comfortable with the idea of what D might be like

No can do, I get anxiety attacks just thinking about that. I am not ready for that. Call it avoidance, I don't know - but I can not wrap my head around that processing.

May22 - can I ask? How did you move from 'he could not see you in an intimate way again? I read in your thread that you made that transition but how? My H also said he did not see me 'that' way anymore and does not touch me (I am attractive & thin) but he just won't - will go out of his way not to. What is going on in his mind? is he bizarrely being faithful to the OW? how can I get him to see me differently? I don't want to be in the friend zone.

Thanks for all the input - its honestly getting me thru the day - even reading things that are hard because it helps me to keep moving...today was really hard, between the stepping out last night blatantly and the lawyer call.