I think I was typing this and then got distracted. I read this quote somewhere in my reading, possibly this site. What I meant to say is, I am making a commitment to become more conscious of the times when I am only making matters worse by stubbornly sticking to what I know isn't working.
I would also like to comment to ovrrbnw's post. I know that you are stating not to be friends with her, but one of the issues she is complaining about is that she did not feel we had an emotional connection. If I want to show her that I am able to have that deep emotional connection, the best way to do that is to show her that I can do it as a friend. I am going to talk to my coach about it tonight and come up with a strategy.
Thanks for the advise
Ok, good. I was afraid you thought doing things that were intuitive to you were things that wouldn't make things worse. It is common LBS thinking. But you are right, doing those things that come natural are what make matters worse, so good job understanding that.
Also, listen to ovr. "We didn't have an emotional connection." as a reason for BD and separation doesn't mean you run out and immediately try to forge an emotional connection with her. What if one of her complaints was "we didn't have sex enough", would you really be trying to have sex with her right now? Her complaints for why she left cannot be fixed now. It is too late. All you can do is give her time and space, when she initiates interaction listen and validate (like ovr says), and see if her curiosity/desire to R/giving it another try kicks in. Then you can show her that you can connect with her emotionally. Until then, trying to connect with her emotionally will feel like you are just making changes to win her back.
Focus on you. GAL, 180s, and detachment. That is the best way to proceed.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
