I notice you think the separation is to work on this marriage and you are taking offense that she is not of a similar mind. Separation is done to facilitate divorce, despite what the desperate mind of a left behind spouses (LBS) tries to rationalize about it.
It appears that you asking her to change her mind, begging and pleading, and asking her to give this more time has not worked yet. A DB hallmark is doing what works. I know you want to change this around today or tomorrow but it will likely be over a year long process so slow down and breath, think and prepare.
I wouldn't ask her about marriage counseling either. I am not a big believer in marriage counselor. It is pressure and 1 hour of arguing. Give her time and space. Remove pressure. Become attractive. Listen more, talk less. Grow as a man.
Ignore the EA. Y'all are separated now and even though she had an affair it doesn't matter at the moment. If she is kicking down your door to get you back, and she is not doing this, then you discuss the affair. Otherwise talking to her about it will be useless. I'd recommend talking to her very little. Cut ties on social media. Join some groups in your area (see Meetup.com or facebook groups), start new activities, new interests, and pour your heart into your daily activities.
DO NOT "work on your friendship" or go to marriage counseling. You don't want to be in the friend zone and marriage counseling is a waste. She wants you to get the picture. She is out. Say "OK" and go make your life great again. Seriously. You aren't going to win her back by being "friends" while y'alls "friend" is her romantic interest. Screw that guy. And screw her for cheating and leaving you. Move forward with things.
You have this big freedom to do what you want now. There were so many great things about my separation that I didn't even realize at the time. I watched whatever show I wanted, I always picked what meal I wanted, I went out to bars and talked to pretty women, I saw my friends more, I ran more, I exercised more, I read more, I played more video games, I went hunting more. Become attractive.
Go LRT. Maybe she'll come back but prepare for the worst and love her from afar in the meantime.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
