I guess I will start from the beginning. My W of almost 16 years decided last month that the issues she has addressed for the past years with my lack of emotional support have weighed on her so much that we should be separated. That night she moved out to her parent's house and has been gone for almost a month and a half now. Approximately one week after she left she decided that "she did not want to be married to me anymore."
Needless to say, I am trying to work through all of these issues, but I am having a hard time coming to terms with her reason for the BD. I personally think that her leaving was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to our M, but she has not allowed any time for the S to work. She told me that she has tried everything in the past 15 years to get me to be more emotionally connected to her and none of it has worked. So her stance is that anything that I do now is it's too little, too late. She has completely checked out of our M and she does not want to put any effort into the R.
I got the DB book about three weeks into the S and have tried to implement the LRT. Unfortunately, I have backslid a few times and am having trouble letting go. I have begged and pleaded for her to reconsider her decision and I've hoped that making her see what this is doing to our D13, would make her change her mind. I've even told her that I don't want her to change her mind right now, I just want her to allow the time and hopefully, counseling in the future may give her the opportunity to change her mind. She told me as recently as last weekend that she has made up her mind and that she will never change her decision.
Unfortunately over this last weekend, I found evidence that she's been having an EA for several months now. I believe that this has been a major catalyst for her decision to leave and BD. I confronted her and our "friend" about the EA and asked them to stop the EA. He said that he would, but the only thing that she said to me is that she would not stop being his friend. I have no faith that the EA has stopped, but I am hoping that it has.
So right now, we've had some very difficult discussions about the R and I've brought it up more than I should have. I 've allowed my emotions to take control of my actions and I have not been putting my best foot forward. She is a very stubborn person and is resolute that her decision is final and she will never change her mind. We have talked recently and both of us have agreed that we both want to work on our friendship and that she is willing to go to counseling, but only so that we can move toward an amicable D. I don't want a D and am struggling every day with the loss in my life. Every day gets a little better, but this is the worst emotional roller coaster that I have ever been on. Leni tells me there is hope, but it's really hard to see when the W is so certain that her decision is the right one.
