SO he feels terrible, and that must be your fault, right? Gosh, that brings back memories. I suggest you don't reassure him that he isn't actually an awful person, but you don't give him suggestions to make himself feel better either. This is his journey and he needs to make it on his own.
You're really good at articulating where you feel he is going wrong. I'm going to suggest you leave all that on the back burner now. He won't want to hear your opinions on that, and really, he's will have to come to these realisations himself and work on them himself if he's going to be any good to you as a husband.
He's probably got a similar list of things about you. And while he obsesses with that list, he gets nowhere with his own personal growth. It's also - as you are learning - tiresome and hurtful to be around someone obsessed with your shortcomings.
Here is your 2x4 (which no doubt you could see coming). What things do you need to work on? How did you contribute to where your marriage is now? Not your H's truths and opinions - these don't matter for now - but your own?
Addressing these is your task now - and involves pretty much what May says it does - concentrating on nourishing yourself, caring for yourself, knowing yourself, and getting to the bottom of changes and improvements you want to make to your way of doing relationships. You have time for that right now.
