Wife came home yesterday. She met some people from her group chat while in Vegas. They bought her flowers. Don't think I've ever heard so much vile resentment and contempt from her. Not sure if that really even has anything to do with me. I reached out and spoke to her family shes been seeing in Vegas over the weekend. Mostly because her uncle is the only male perspective I can get that truly knows us both. Found out that hes pretty baffled as well and has been trying to get her to reconsider. It's funny cause every time she told me she told someone knew I asked if they said anything like that and she always said no. Some of them I get but others shocked me. Everyone I told who knows us was stunned and then instantly asked if there was anything that could be done to be fix it. So guessing some his nagging could be apart of the problem too in regards to her mood.
Speaking with him and a few other people this weekend though seems to have given me some sort of new perspective. I'm hurting much less today. And her actions have barely affected me today. I really can't do anything about any of it. I know that's what I've been being told for months but it's so hard to truly grasp honestly I could revert back tomorrow who knows. I just feel like it's too much to keep holding on. Not to my want to reconcile that is still there and strong but to cling to hope that change will be here soon. I can't say that I'm doing a great job being cheery and aloof because literally everything I say is a problem for some obituary reason or another. But I'm not apologizeing and I'm not arguing I just continue my thought unphased if she wants to find fights she can do it herself. We made dinner enjoyed a little TV which for the first time in awhile I was actually enjoying and talking about throughout like I useto. My wife use to hate that but she also use to say it would be okay if I just paused it first. I never remembered to and it use to bug me, to me we weren't there for the show really it was about having a catalyst to bond and discuss. Who cares if we missed most of it if we talked for 45 min. I took the time to pause it every time now though. For the most part she talked with me and didn't say anything else about it bothering her.
After I asked her if she had transferred money for her trip. I had told her when she left we would balance up make a payment and remove my account on her card when she came back. My checking was a joint account for bills so all the cards pay from it. Our cards are used only as cash not credit. So you use your card it either comes off bill money already in the account or you transfer what you spent. Again instantly a fight about how she hadn't done it yet im not a child. I told her it's cool we can take a day or two but I want my account off. She finally agrees and it's done.
She goes to her room for school. And I take off for another 2 mile walk. It was a beautiful night. I hope I manage to keep this weight off and lose more. I know how dangerous it will be as a lot of it was lost due to me not eating during the worse of this and that tends to come back with a vengeance. 100+ degrees the next few days it's gonna suck. Like I said all this could be gone tomorrow and I could be right back where I've been but today I feel good.
One of the things her family told me was regardless of what's going on right now I'm still my God son's godfather and always will be. Regardless of what my wife thinks or feels I'm welcome at his birthday next month and I should come. He's turning 5 it's a pretty big milestone. He'll be starting kindergarten now. Crazy how time flys just a few years ago he was a toddler being ring bearer at my wedding. Being held in my arms because he couldn't sit still while I promised to love my wife forever. Drove his parents nuts but we didn't care he was just being a kid. Feels like yesterday. Now he talks all the time and has the most interesting thoughts. That really meant alot. I'm not sure what I'm doing yet. But I think I'll try to go.
