Are you living together under the same roof, Sage? If not, then I'd suggest you go way way way way way darker than you are.
Your H might ask to talk now and again - but from the sounds of it, he has no idea what he wants. You can't help him work that out and nor should you. If he doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't want a marriage to you. And if he doesn't want to be actively engaged in a marriage with you, you respect that and step right back.
My H used to do the same thing. He'd say he wanted to work on things, but not yet, or say he wanted to work on things, but when asked, actually only had a list of things I had to 'fix'. At that time he felt that my making changes as an attempt to fix the marriage was actually just me manipulating him into being nicer to me actually made him angry. Even when I did what he wanted me to do, he got angry as he felt I could have done it before and didn't so my 180s were like salt in the would. Even when he started to say he was committed to fixing the marriage, my asking for a conversation about what changes I needed from him was so provocative to him it triggered some really angry behaviour from him. And me validating and listening just gave him an audience for him winding himself up into a lather - he had no idea what he wanted and being in the room while he worked it out or had a tantrum because he couldn't work it out didn't help at all.
Your H sounds like he has a better handle on his temper than mine did, so lots of this may not apply. But perhaps what does apply is what if your H is not ready to look at his own role in your problems, is able to get some insight into the causes of his own behaviour (rather than putting it all on your feet) and has a clear goal in mind - either an amicable divorce or a reconciliation - then pretty much ANYTHING you do will at best have no effect at all and at worst really irritate him.
So what you do is give him so much space it feels unnatural, and concentrate on your own stuff. He will get his stuff together and come back to you, pleasantly surprised (and perhaps a bit scared) at how well you are doing. Or he never gets his stuff together, and you get yourself into a position where someone so messed up isn't remotely attractive to you anymore.
It is much much much harder than I just made it sound. And when people outlined this to me I didn't believe it. I thought that being kinder, or more generous, or angrier, or more - something - would be the key to sorting my H out and getting him back in the family home and behaving the way I wanted him to behave. But it turned out to be true for me and true for lots of other people on here.
Are there some practical things you can to now to give a bit more space? Avoid R talks like the PLAGUE. Pretend you are busy, or make listening noises but commit to nothing, or say you need more time to think over what he's said (but don't - most of what he says when he's in this place is rubbish) - or say you have some work to do, or a phone call to make - anything at all to slide out of an R talk without a confrontation.
