Yesterday was the first day I saw my W since the day I moved out on Mother's Day May 10th. I swung by to pick up our dog who I'll have for the next week. The transfer probably didn't last any longer than 3 or 4 minutes which was good considering how raw my feelings have been. There was no weirdness, both of us were upbeat and friendly yet in a somewhat coolish kind of way. The talk was only about the dog, then we both seemed in an anxious competition to see who would finish the talking first, which I would say was probably a tie.
There was definitely a sense of more distance between us, more so than on the day I left when there was still some remnants of past habits re the way we talked with one another and came into contact. The OM is there constantly. When she's not working they're doing something together. Apparently they're looking at buying waterfront property together. No doubt there is a tighter connection between the two of them then there was even two weeks ago. Whether what they have is for real or just a fantasy I don't know. As I know them both I can say there is no doubt they have much in common and their musical efforts being in the same band can definitely tighten their bond. It's just mind boggling for me the speed in which everything is happening. Just 2 1/2 months ago there was still evidence of at least some emotional investment on her part toward our marriage.
Having the dog this week should be good therapy. I need something to help jar me from this funk. People ask me how I'm doing and I'll offer the "I'm hanging in there", "Doing the best I can", or "Well I've been better but I'll be okay". The truth is I've never known a feeling of crappiness like this before which I can't even begin to explain. I'm sure everyone here knows what I mean. I feel absolutely gutted. I know I need to GAL. Today I'll take the dog for a nice hike. Being out in nature can sometimes be rejuvenating.
