Hey Pommy I'm happy to hear you're working really hard on the NC. As far as DC goes I'm with May. We had one very very disastrous session because H was so deep in own mess he was not on the fence at all. He kept saying he was, but he wasn't. We had our session and then we fought for 2 more hours. In that fight is when he said some of the most horrible stuff to me throughout this entire fiasco. At a certain point he even convinced himself that I was somehow listening in on his part of the session. If H's simply play acting to keep you on the line DC like MC right now will do you no good. If your H is truly on the fence and isn't sure about how to move forward in any direction, DC is a good course of action. Like May said, something to keep in your pocket if he starts waxing poetic about reconciliation all over again.
As far as D14 goes. While I understand your hesitation as she's seeing some one for her anxiety, I don't really think your H is looking to put D14 in therapy with his therapist so he can deal with her, what is sounds like he wants to do is attempt some family therapy sessions with his IC running the program. If this is a family therapy session, or even just H's IC with the girls included supplementing his progress I don't see how his IC would start telling D14 anything that would conflict with her treatment. If I am understanding this correctly the sessions would be more about the girls opening up to H in a moderated and guided session. The most the IC would do would give them tools to better listen to each other, communicate more proficiently, and how to serve the girls needs better. His IC or not he's the parent. The sessions wouldn't veer toward how the girls could make H more comfortable.And honestly what the girls have to say is probably something H really needs to hear. I wouldn't shelve this entirely, Pommy. The girls might need this. You may want to ask H some more questions about what he thinks that session would look like. If it sounds like what I'm thinking it sounds like I don't see this being a harmful thing. To feel better about it you could check with D14's psychiatrist and ask that they reach out to H's IC prior to the session just to establish treatment boundaries and so the IC is prepared for whatever may happen during the session.
Last NC rules are pretty clear. NC means NC. Friendly neighbor conversation. Business only conversation if necessary. You have no obligation to find out how his weekend was even if he asked you. Also a positive attitude doesn't include you looking interested or disinterested in him in either way. You are happy around him because you are happy with or without him. You are pleasant and cheerful because you have no reason not to be, his presence doesn't affect you. This phase is neutrality. People who haven't moved on work in 2 ways they either can't stop themselves at fawning all over the person they are trying to move on from, or they treat them with disdain because passionate feelings create passionate responses. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's ambivalence. Give your H all the ambivalence he can handle.
