Doing my thing & keeping a smile

[cardinal]

The vibe I get from your responses: cool, calm, and collected. I'm always impressed by your ability to exude these qualities, wooba!

Apparently he gave them no details because my MIL called me immediately after to ask wth is going on. My MIL is not the brightest person in the room, but she has a good heart. Her first question to me was "Did H hit you??" I said no. "Is he having an affair???" I said I don't know. She went on and on about how shocked she was and how they still hope that we will be able to overcome our problems and work it all out.

Is it surprising to you that the first thing MIL asked was if H hit you? That stood out to me. I have to say, this is the response I kept wishing I would get from my MIL--not the questions, but the shock and the hope. I guess my H must have explained it to her in such a way that it seemed inevitable (he's been unhappy for years is one of his lines), but it still blows my mind that she didn't express any shock to me.

H: "I am trying really hard to be civil, but if you keep handling things the way you've been doing, you will not like how things turn out."
Me: "I don't understand what you mean, will you clarify?"

Were you rattled at all internally here? Or you've heard enough of his ranting by this point to know not to give anything he says any significance?

H: "THE DIVORCE!"
Me: "YOU told them."

and at that instant I realized there's is no point continuing the conversation. There is a thin veil of civility and nicety on him, but the inner illogical, angry, hurt child is itching to come out.

I said, I don't want to argue about this. It's getting late and I need to prep dinner for the kids.

Well done, wooba! This is the kind of inner calm and strength I need to draw on. You recognized there's no point in trying to change his reality; it seems he was trying to draw you into his emotions with that convo, and you simply removed yourself from it instead. I really, really hope I can do this the next time my H's inner illogical, angry, hurt child is on display. Stay calm, don't play into his feelings, remove myself from the situation.