So the dating site fun continues! I find it pretty fascinating actually. Got propositioned for sex by Billy, age 34, in his first message, lol. Had a text chat with a solicitor who started out boring and then complimented my boobs and rapidly unmatched and vanished! Hilarious. Most chats have been a lot less eventful. Somehow the 3 men I like most in my match queue are all of some kind of Asian or mixed heritage, which I find interesting. Seems like I'm looking for someone very different and new!

I really like one man who lives 60 miles away and who I have a lot in common with and he seems very unusual at the same time. We have had some interesting flirty chats. He seems very busy though so I'm not sure. We arranged to meet for a picnic in 10 days time. I'm not sure about someone that unavailable even though I have a good feeling about him. Hopefully I won't fancy him in person!

My first actual date was a walk with a man who lives much nearer and seems to have plenty of time at the weekend. Again, he is very unusual, very bright I think too. Very interested in me. I took the plunge and met him last night about halfway between us. We chatted and walked for 2 hours and were very open with each other about past relationships and our lives. It was very easy talking to him. I'm not 100% sure I fancy him but then again I haven't kissed him yet. He is a bit obsessed with sex I think, complained that he hadn't had any for 2 months and I told him he ought to try 2 years, he was shocked! He's Muslim but not completely religious, he drinks a bit but has also been fasting. He seems quite well off (not that that matters as I am independent financially or should be). We have been texting today and the sex talk has been a bit much but I did tell him I was not about to jump into bed with him! I like sex, I enjoy it and I have missed it sooooo much these last 2 years, but it needs to be with someone I fancy and trust. I feel like I can be open about this though, it is really nice to have this honest conversation with him. In person he was a lot less sex pesty! I might see him for another walk tonight, and I might test out how it feels kissing him (he has had covid or so he says, but I'm not bothered if I catch it, and wouldn't pass it on to anyone vulnerable). So I will see how that goes, I doubt I'd be leaping into a long term R with the first man I've dated in 30 years, seems unlikely! I will keep on swiping, there is a lot of dross out there but also many decent, interesting men. So nice to have someone take an interest in me after H's treatment of me all these years, it is good for the ego smile I don't feel desperate though, just enjoying getting to know different men and working out what I want in an R, even a short term one.

I did see H yesterday, he told me the payout is still not sorted but should be this week. He told me some of his plans (this week's version...), he wants to travel round Europe in August/September and come back when ds1 starts uni. He says he's taking at least 6 months off work and might then start his own business with some people he has worked with at his current place. No talk of his rental place but he said he's swapping his car because it costs too much to run (it is very sporty with terrible mileage). Bizarre. He must know how much a D will cost him. No D talk at all, just talk of his plans for the future which don't feature me in them. He treated me like I had covid every time I was too close to him, refused the offer of a really good pie that I had bought and had extra of (the whole poisoning thing that seems so common here!) I feel sorry for him, but his lack of happiness will not be my problem in the future. I feel very detached, dating has been helpful here though I'm glad I waited till I was in a solid position internally. H has taken ds2 back with him and said he will take ds1 next weekend, I hope he treats them well. Both kids are shut in their rooms most of the time and not very sociable and refuse to go out for walks or anything, so it will be good for both of them to have a change of scenery.

That's it! I am still collecting data and going through all the financials. It is exhausting and annoying but has to be done, will make D much easier, and the payout sounds hopeful in terms of being enough for a clean break, cross fingers.